Stewart
7/4/2007 - 1/22/2017An open letter to my familiar,
Hey Buddy, remember when you were tiny and I'd take you to work with me every day so I could bottle feed you? I kept you in your carrier on my desk, and you were so chill and everyone was jealous because I wouldn't let them take you out and hold you. I told them it was because the vet said you were too young to be handled so much, but really you were covered in fleas and I didn't want my boss's dogs to get them.
Then remember when you got a little less tiny, and still eating from the bottle and we would barricade you in the kitchen while we were at work and when I'd come home and make your bottle, I'd sit on the floor and you would run across the kitchen and leap into my lap? It made me feel so special, even though I know it was the food that was the main attraction.
And remember when you decided that biting was the best thing ever?
Do you remember when we took you to by neutered and I came to check on you the next day at the vet and the nurse was walking around with you in her arms? You were awake and alert and happy and making friends with every living creature in the place. All the nurses said how sweet you were.
Then do you remember when grandma and grandpa came to live with us because grandma had a broken leg? I was worried because your biggest joy in life was playing “lets trip kitty mama and kitty daddy” but you were super well behaved with her and never ran in front of her. You have always remembered them, and welcomed them back into the house when they came to visit unlike others. You must have considered them part of your tribe and like an elephant, you never forgot them, even when they came too see you last month.
Remember when I got my wisdom teeth out, and you came and hopped up on the bed and lay on my chest, followed by kitty daddy with my pain meds? I found out later that you had jumped up from his lap and come to me when he said “come on Stew, time to give kitty mama her pain meds”. You alway knew when I was not feeling well, and always showed up to guard me. Thank you little guy!

Remember when you wouldn't let Rick take his song lyrics off the kitchen counter, or when Melissa was too afraid of you to walk in the back door, so she called me on the phone to come get her? You were so cranky sometimes.

Remember that time I had the window open in my office and that little stray kitty came up to meet you? I said “awe, aren't you the cutest little thing?” to him and clear as day you said “NO” . True story, there is video on Facebook.

Remember how you always knew whenever kitty daddy and I touched. Whether we were standing in the kitchen sharing a hug, or if we curled up together when we woke up, it was like as soon as our skin touched, an alarm went off and you would always show up and join the huddle. We are family, no doubt.

I love the way the top of your head smells.
I love when you sit on the vanity in the morning while I brush my teeth.
I love giving you your morning blow out.
I love having to step around you when I get out of the shower.
I love that you always protect me from harmful blue light by getting between me and my phone, Ipad and computer.
I love that you love dairy products as much as I do.
I love that you like to lay on top of things that are on top of things.
I love all of the different vocalisations you have.
I love that you show your emotions.
I love you on catnip.
I love Drama Kitty.
I love the little white bib on your chest. So soft!
I love that you hate my singing voice. You remind me to knock off the diva bullshit, not everybody wants to hear me sing.
I love that you hate phone speakers and yell when in play any audio on any mobile device.
I also love that you can hear my voice on the phone when I call kitty daddy and yell at him to shut me up.
I love your purr.
I love your beautiful gray and white fur.
I love your cute little toes.
I love how good purple looks next to you.
I love that you know how handsome you are.
I love when you stand on me.
I love that one black whisker.
I love you R2 D2 voice. I wanted to name you R2, ya know.
I love watching you upload data to your home planet.
I love that you only want to drink water from a running faucet.
I love that you love Doritos.
I love how, right befor we found out we would have to say goodbye, you would come to our bed every night, and lay right where my legs should be, making me relocate and change my sleep position completely.
I love how you lay on my chest and rested your chin on my shoulder after our last vet visit.
I love how you came in and tried to participate in our morning pre work rituals on the last day you would be here for them.
I love how much you love me.
I love how much you tolerate me loving you.
I love that you immediately get in kitty daddy's spot on the couch as soon as he gets up for even a second.
I love that you taught him how to love in a way he never knew he could.

Also, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry we were not able to give you a longer life.
I'm sorry going to the vet was so terrifying. If it wasn't, maybe we could have kept you longer.
I'm sorry I couldn't let you have chocolate.
I'm sorry if I made you go too soon.
I'm sorry if I kept you too long.
I'm sorry that you don't understand my words so you can know how grateful I am to have shared my life with. Though I believe that you do feel it. At least I hope so.

When we found you on that starry night in August of “07” my first words to you were “you're mine” . I meant it then, I mean it now and I will mean it always. You are mine, and I am yours.
As my heart slowly breaks into pieces, please take a piece of it to bring with you and keep forever.

It will be difficult to come home to an empty house. To not have your little paws cutting a path to the bathroom each morning. To be able to eat cereal uninterrupted. But at the end of this chapter of my life, I can honestly say, as heart wrenching and painful as these last ten days have been, I would not have traded the last ten years for anything in the world. I would rather have loved and lost you, than to never have known you at all.
I hope going through the passage to your next journey is peaceful and painless as promised. Don't be afraid, know that we will be right on the other side of the window whenever you want to ignore us.

Kitty mama loves her kitty baby. I'll see you later Stewart.

Ps. Please haunt this house.
AnneMarie McLaughlinLee's Summit, MissouriFebruary 12, 2017
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Your boy was beautiful. You gave him a wonderful life and a beautiful tribute.Wendy Saldivar - February 17, 2017
Love and hugs!ash Nielsen - February 14, 2017
AnneMarie,
Stewart was a most remarkable guy, and I am honored that I got to meet him, even though it was only for the last goodbye. It was clear then, as now, that he was so, so loved, and that he adored you, as well. I have thought about Stewart often since we met, and hope that you are taking solace in the memories of all the wonderful times you had together. What a beautiful tribute you have written.
Suzanne Cosentino - February 14, 2017

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